Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Love So Much It Hurts

Love is just so painful sometimes.  It causes you to show emotion when you'd rather not or to be convicted when you'd rather not be or be challenged when you'd rather not be.  Love is what's making my heart ache right now because I want to be with my mom who is lying in a hospital bed in Texas with an inflamed pancreas.  Love is what makes my heart ache at the possibility of leaving my family so that I can be with her and my dad.  Love is what is making my brain hurt with trying to make sure everything and everyone is taken care of if I have to leave suddenly.  Love is what I try to fight when I'm so tired of feeling my emotions welling up inside because there's no real "good" time to have them.  Someone asked me today how I process emotion, and I didn't know what to say.  I spend about 5-10 minutes journaling at night debriefing about the miracles of not compulsively overeating.  I also try to cram into those precious moments a few things that might be on my mind from the day.  I take a few moments to blog here recording pictures, thoughts, and other information, but I try to be delicate about what I put here so as not to offend anyone, give too much information, or become too vulnerable.  It's a pretty tense world to live in at times.  Prayer helps when I can get a few moments to pray, but it's usually truncated by a child-centered catastrophe, a question, a phone call, or a "Quick!  Get in the car, find your shoes, we've got to be at X in 10 minutes!"  Sigh.

Well, I've gotta go make dinner....

Being vulnerable & real,
Grace
P.S.  Could you say some prayers for my Mom & Dad?  Thanks.

Update:  Mom is back at home, but is still very drowsy from her meds.  Her pain is much better, but will be homebound and resting until she isn't feeling lightheaded when she's up.  Thanks for all the prayers.:)

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