Thursday, January 27, 2011

It Still Isn't Easy

I was so thrilled to receive an invite for a Ladies' Night Out.  This is being held tonight at a friend's house with a new line-up of ladies.  We've never gotten together, but share common interests.  The invite promised wine and a chocolate dessert.  We were welcomed to bring over anything else we'd like to have.  That's when the jitters started, and they're getting stronger as it's getting closer to the time to go.  I really want to call and regretfully cancel.  I'd rather stay in my room and knit...which is what I won't do.  I always find something that needs to be done rather than sit, rest, and enjoy something I love!
What's most nerve-racking at the moment is the whole "food" thing.  I'm not worried about eating something I'll regret later.  I'm not worried about being tempted to eat.  It's just hard to be around people when you have your resolve and your convictions in check and follow through with them.  It's great to be a witness and carry the message that there is hope and help for compulsive overeating.  What is difficult is the awkwardness when others are suddenly feeling convicted as they eat something I'm not.  You get comments like:

That's great!  I really need to give up sugar....How do you do that?....I always feel better when I don't eat sugar....Are you on a diet?....Good for you!....I gave up sugar once, but I couldn't keep it up.

I know it's their problem and not mine, and I would do well to let go and just be myself.  But this is my blog for venting and being real and letting you all know that I'm not bullet proof.  I still get my "itty bitty feewings" hurt.  I know it isn't just me that goes through all the inner turmoil.  This is certainly a human nuisance.  A lot of people experience this:


  • alcoholics at a New Year's Eve Party or any other party for that matter
  • vegans at a BBQ
  • Catholics at a Protestant wedding, and vice versa
  • bottle feeders at a homeschool conference
  • homeschoolers at Target with all their kids during public/private school hours
  • and the list goes on & on
Reality is I don't have to do this everyday.  I could just enjoy the evening with these ladies, eat their dessert, and drink the wine.  However, what would I feel like when I get home?  My mind is the one I have to sleep with when I go to bed tonight.  I already go to bed with twinges of guilt about all kinds of things....too much computer use (I'm on right now), not reading to the kids enough, reading too much and not getting to the older kids, not making a "more" homemade meal, making a homemade meal instead of reading to the kids.   AAAGGGHHHH!  This, of course, is why I'm going to therapy and confession regularly and make regular hook-up calls to people I trust to tell me to GET A GRIP!  Eating something that could trigger my addiction doesn't have to be part of that guilt.  "No thank you" and the ensuing awe at my assumed level of self-control are easier to live with than my best day giving in to the food!
I'm going to go to this gathering of new friends/acquaintances.  It won't be easy....it never is.  I'll probably bring water or a diet pop or nothing at all.  I'll eat before I go and look forward to having my snack at home when I get back.  If you could spare a prayer, I'd appreciate it.:)

And, thanks!  I feel a lot better now.




 

7 comments:

  1. I'm sorry this is causing you so much anxiety. I think I understand, though. At least a little. Whenever I go somewhere where there is a yummy dessert (or any type of food), I often give in to having it, even when I'm trying to lose weight or simply stay on track. I have a really hard time saying "no" to whatever it is that someone has prepared ... And when I give in, then I'm off track, which can spiral downward quickly. Anyway, I will say a prayer for you tonight. I hope the get-together is fun!

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  2. Thanks for understanding, Sarah.:) I'm off!

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  3. How'd it go, Grace? Said a little prayer for you. (I wish I could come over and knit and chat with you!)

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  4. Thanks, Michelle.;) It went GREAT! It was very laid back, great gals, fun time chatting, cute babies (babies were welcome), and the food wasn't an issue. I'll be getting together with them again. It's great to be on the same Catholic page with other moms. I thought back to our "craft" nights way back when. Do you remember those?

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  5. So happy to hear that it went well with your new group of Catholic moms. I'm still hopeful we'll sell and be able to move so that I can find other like-minded Catholic moms to hang out with, too!

    In my experience as a sugar eating (infact, whatever eating!) gal, women are just plain old too nosey! They're always looking for "the scoop" and ask prying questions and then try to fill the silence with whatever pops into their minds. So, stick to your guns and do what's best for Grace and don't feel any guilt about it!

    Hope that Monica's braces go well. We need to get Haley started with them, but I keep thinking that we'll be moving soon and don't want to have to switch orthodontists mid-stream. Let me know how you like the one that you're seeing.

    God Bless!

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  6. I do remember! In fact, I was recently telling one of my new ND friends about it. I specifically remember the night you brought some pears to peel for a cobbler or something you were making! Man, that seems like a long time ago!

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  7. @ Heather: I can't wait to get together for the Super Bowl! I'm probably gonna chat your ears off.:) See you then.

    @ Michelle: I so don't remember those pears and that cobbler. I do remember sewing something, I think, and of course your scrapbooking. That was a long time ago...sigh!

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